english funny joks

→ A kid gets zero in a paper

Father angrily asks,

"Wats this?"

Kid : Teacher dint have more stars to give, so she started giving MOONS..


→ Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
He wanted the lesson to be very clear!

→ TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

→ When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!

→ TEACHER :Give me three reasons why the world is round
Pupil : Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so !


→ Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
Because they're all in HIGH School!

→ TEACHER : What is an island ?
Pupil : A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.
TEACHER :On one side ?
Pupil : Yes, on top !

→ TEACHER : Why does you geography exam have a big zero over it.
Pupil : It's not a zero, the teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead !

→ LKG Boy on Phone : My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today

→ Teacher : Who is on the line ?

Boy : This is my father speaking..


→ Why did Ravi take a ruler to bed?
Because he wanted to see how long he slept!


→ Why was the students report card all wet?
Because it was below C ( sea ) level.


→ Who should be your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!


→ TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

→ Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren't listening the first time!


→ If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!

→ Teacher : Isaac Newton
was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity.
Student : Right. Had he
sat in the Class, he
wouldn’t have discovered anything.

→ TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: George!

→ Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

→ TEACHER – Can you Tell
me 2 creatures which
Do Not have Teeth.
PAPPU – I’ll tell ma’am. Teacher – Good. Tell me.Pappu – Grandma and Grandpa. . .

→ Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon

→ TEACHER – Pappu,
You Missed School yesterday, Didn’t You.?
PAPPU – No, Not a bit Ma’am.!!

→ TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time."

→ TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!

→ TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down
his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing
it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."

→ Where was the Declaration of Independance signed ?
At the bottom !

→ TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

→ TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

→ TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.

→ Teacher : Your son
is Very Good but
spends Too much time Thinking about Girls.
Mother : If you find
a solution, please advise.
His Father has
the Same Problem.

→ TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

→ TEACHER – What are
the people of
Turkey called.?
PAPPU – I don’t know. TEACHER – They are
called Turks.
Tell me What are people
of Germany called.?
PAPPU- Germs

→ TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen….. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right… "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

→ Math’s Teacher: If you have
12 Chocolates and you
-
-
Give 5 to
Lela,
3 to Anita and
4 to Julia
-
-
Then what will u get????

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Student: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!



→ My nights are going sleepless,

my days are going useless.

So I asked GOD, "is this love?".

GOD replied, "no dear, result is near

→ A sleeping lion
is stronger
than a
barking dog.
so a
sleeping
student
is better
than a
barking teacher.

→ TEACHER – Draw a
Diagram of bacteria
Sunny – Here it is sir TEACHER – Where.?
You haven’t drawn
anything.
Sunny – Sir Can You
See bacteria without
Microscope.?

→ TEACHER – Your
Chemistry exercise
was bad, I told you
to write it 20 times.
You’ve written it
only 10 times.
PAPPU – Is it ma’am.?
Guess My Maths
is also Bad.!

→ RAJU – Did you
Hear Raghu Snoring
during the morning
School Prayer.?
RAGHU – Yes, he was the
one who Woke me up.!

→ TEACHER – Where is
The English Channel.? PAPPU – I don’t know.
Our TV Channel picks up
Only Local channels.

→ TEACHER – Why were you gossiping around during
my lecture.
PAPPU – It’s impossible,
how do you expect me
to sleep and talk at
the same time.?

→ GEOGRAPHY TEACHER -
If it were possible for me
to make a hole in India
right through the earth, were would it come out.? PAPPU – At the other end, Sir.

→ BIOLOGY TEACHER -
Define a Practical Nurse.? PAPPU – A Practical Nurse
is one who
Marries a Rich Patient.

→ CHEMISTRY TEACHER -
What happens to Gold
when it is exposed to air.? PAPPU – It is probably
Stolen.!

→ PHYSICS TEACHER -
Now as you all know
the Law of Gravity
explains why we
Stay on Earth.
PAPPU – But Where
We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!
→ I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING
→ All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.
→ If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
→ When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
→ Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
→ Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
→ Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
→ I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
→ Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
→ Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
→ First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
→ Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
→ Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!
→ Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.
→ Bad sex is better then a good day in school.
→ Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
→ Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…
→ Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......
→ My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...
→ Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?
→ I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
→ Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…
→ If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…
→ Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
→ Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............
→ Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
→ It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
→ News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
→ God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
→ The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
→ CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
→ Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
→ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
→ Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
→ I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
→ ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
→ Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
→ Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
→ Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
→ Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
→ I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
→ There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
→ What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
→ What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
→ I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
→ A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
→ Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
→ What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
→ Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
→ Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
→ What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
→ The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
→ Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
→ WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
→ What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
→ Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
→ Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
→ What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
→ What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
→ Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
→ Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
→ Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
→ I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
→ I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
→ How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
→ For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
→ What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
→ Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
→ Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
→ Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
→ What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
→ What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
→ How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
→ Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
→ Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
→ Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.
→ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
→ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
→ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
→ If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
→ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
→ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
→ I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
→ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
→ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
→ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
→ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
→ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
→ My Reality Check bounced.
→ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
→ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
→ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!
→ Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
→ Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
→ There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
→ Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back
→ As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing
→ Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
→ What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.
→ What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant
→ Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
→ A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
→ Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1
→ What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
→ What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
→ A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
→ Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
→ How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.
→ Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
→ If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
→ Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
→ If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
→ Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.
→ I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
→ I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
→ Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.
→ A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one!
→ Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
→ A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
→ A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
→ A dyslexic man walks into a bra
→ A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
→ A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
→ Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
→ I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
→ Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
→ News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
→ God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
→ The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
→ CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
→ Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
→ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
→ Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
→ I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
→ ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
→ Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
→ Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
→ Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
→ Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
→ I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
→ There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
→ What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
→ What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
→ I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
→ A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
→ Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
→ What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
→ Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
→ Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
→ What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
→ The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
→ Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
→ WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
→ What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
→ Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
→ What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!
→ Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
→ What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
→ What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors
→ Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
→ Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
→ Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
→ I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
→ What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
→ I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
→ How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
→ For sale : Air Bags, Used once.
→ What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
→ What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
→ Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
→ What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
→ What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
→ How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
→ Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
→ Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
→ Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An fucking know it all.
→ A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
→ Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
→ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
→ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
→ If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
→ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
→ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
→ Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
→ Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?
A: One has a real live culture.
→ Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.
→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?

→ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.
→ friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx
→ (_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!
→ He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!
→ Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!
→ Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!
→ T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network
→ I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!
　
did people stay
Before the law
was passed.?

→ Teacher : Are you
Good at Math.?
Pupil : Yes and No.
Teacher : What do
you mean.?
Pupil : Yes, I’m
No Good at Math.!

→ TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

→ TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

Q. WHY DID SANTA SING TAKE OFF HIS CLOTHES WHILE WRITING EXAMS?

A. COZ IT WAS WRITTEN IN THE PAPER"ANSWER IN BRIEF.

→ Q. WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF LAZINESS?

A. A COUPLE ADOPTING A CHILD.

→ Q. WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF POSSESSIVENESS?

a. constiPATION.

→ Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN WHO KNOWS WHERE HER HUSBAND IS EVERY NIGHT?

A. WIDOW

→ Q. WHY AMERICANS STOP PRINTING STAMPS WITH PHOTO OF PAMEELA ANDERSON?

A. COZ PEOPLE STARTED LICKING THE WRONG SIDE OF IT FOR PASTING THEM ON THE ENVELOPES.

→ Q. WHAT DOES 98 STAND FOR IN WINDOWS 98?

A. IT STANDS FOR NUMBER OF TIMES IT HANGS IN A DAY.
→ Q. WHY DID BANTA SINGH TAKE HIS PREGNANT WIFE TO PIZZA CORNER?

A. FOR FREE DELIVERY.

→ Q. HOW WOULD YOU IDENTIFY BANTA SINGH IN A SUBMARINE?

A. HE WILL BE THE ONLY ONE WITH A PARACHUTE TIED TO HIS BACK.

→ q. what would you call a sardar with just one hair on his head?

a. iqbal singh.

→ Q. HOW TO MAKE TTK LAUGH ON SUNDAY?

A. BY TELLING HER A JOKE ON THURSDAY.

ONCE A NUN GOES FOR A URINE EXAMINATION AND THE SAMPLES GET MIXED UP. the report indicates she is pregnant. WHEN SHE GETS THE REPORT, SHE EXCLAIMS, "OH JESUS!! NOW WE CAN NOT EVEN RELY ON CANDLES"

→ Q. WHAT DID BANTA SINGH SAY WHEN HE SAW A BANANA PEEL?

A. "OH! I AM GOING TO SLIP AGAIN.

→ Q. WHICH IS THE SHORTEST JOKE?

A. SANTA SINGH AND BANTA SINGH PLAYING CHESS.

→ Q. WHICH BROTHER OF KALIDAS MAKES SHOES?

A. ADIDAS
→ Wot's the best thing about babies ?
MAKING THEM !


→ If i guard you with my life,
Will u be my wife ?


→ Girls are like roads,
More the curves,
More the dangerous they are.


→ Love is Photogenic,
it needs darkness to develop.


→ Messages are given to
Those who are apart
But what shall i give
When you are in my heart.

→ KNOWING YOURSELF

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

→ WHO YOU TRUST

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

→ GRATEFUL

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

→ WASTING YOUR TIME

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

→ YOUR SMILE

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

→ YOU CAN'T...

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

→
BEAUTIFUL MOON I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I... I'd rather look at the moon again.. ;)

→ TYPE OF EGGS

There r 6 types eggs. Chicken egg = ji dan, Duck egg = ya dan, Bomb = zha dan, Person readin dis = hun dan, if u r smilin nw = chun dan & if angry = ben dan.

→ VALUE OF LIFE

The value of life does not depend on the length of time on this Earth but rather on the amount of love given and shared to the people we care about.

→ MEN!

Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Menopause... Did you ever notice how all problems begin with MEN!

→ FRIENDSHIP MEANS...

I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha

→ HEARTBREAKS

Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and Cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... " (Sir Norman Wisdom)

" One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money." (Edgar Watson Howe)

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! " (Doug Larson)

"A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! " (Eric Bolton)

" When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me." (Erno Philips)
　
Two friends are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says:
"YES...NO...YES....NO...YES...NO..." 　
It is a big company where the boss is an English man.The deputy manager an Iyengar requested for leave for performing "purattasi sanikkizhamai puja".The boss called him and asked him to bring the concerned leave file,Going through the file the boss told him he has not took leave last year for this purpose ,As there is no precedance he is not sanctioned leave.Suddenly the wise officer replied that Sir last year purattasi sanikkizhmai fall(fell) on a sunday.The boss said OK then alright you can avail leave.
Boy & Girl in restaurant
Boy:- I Love u
Girl:- I don’t Love u
Boy:- Think again?
Girl:- I told u. No no & no
Boy :- Waiter, bring separate bills.
Girl:- ok ok……. I Love u too……….
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A Boy & A Girl Loved Each Other Very Much…
Unfortunately The Boy Died…
Girl Was Upset Too Much & She Couldn’t Stop Her Tears…
She Kept On Crying Every Day…
Many People Gave Sympathy But No Argument Could Stop Her Tears
One Night She Slept & Had A Dream……
She Saw The Guy In Heaven With So Many Guys Of His Age……
He Felt Relaxed……
But She Noticed That Every Guy Was In Fairy Dress……& Had A Lightened Candle In Their Hand……
But Her Guy Had A Candle Which Was Not Lightened…
She Asked Him:;"Why Your Candle Is Not Lightened?…
He Said:-"Whenever I Lighten My Candle My Candle Your Tears Falls On It"
Please Don’t Cry For Whom You Really Love"
"Because They Don’t Want You Too"
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The Reason Why Daughters Love Their Dad
The Most Is….
That There Is At least One Man In The World
Who Will Never Hurt Her…!!
Q: Where do fish keep their money?

A: In the river bank.